Independence Day, July 4th: time for freedom from bad memories

Confederate flag in Columbia, SC

(photo credit:  commons.wikimedia.org)

July 4th stands for freedom and independence.  Upon reflection, those who favor the Confederate flag flying on the State Capitol grounds of Columbia, South Carolina, do have this right.  But why in the name of compassion and empathy would they want to?

The Confederate Flag is a banner that yet waves over the State Capitol grounds of Columbia, South Carolina.  It has been waving since 1962. It is time that the proud citizens of Columbia, South Carolina, take down the Confederate Flag.  Columbia’s city slogan is “Famously Hot”.  South Carolinians should be hot about this embarrassment hanging over our city.

Many people in favor of keeping this flag flying argue that it is a part of history, and as such, should not be forgotten, or removed.  This, however, is a part of history that is nothing to be proud of. Many of the Confederate Soldiers fought for the cause of the Confederate states to have the right to continue owning their slaves.  No one living in 2011 was responsible for this. But to many minorities, this is a painful reminder of being thought of as property, rather than human beings with the same God-given right to freedom as any other citizen of this great country.  So painful in fact, that in a state that is trying desperately to boost its tourism income, this flag has actually become a burden.  Several religious, political, and even athletic groups, whose events could have brought hundreds of thousands of dollars into the state, have cancelled and moved their events and conventions to other states in a boycott of the Confederate flag.

In 2000, the Confederate Flag was moved from the state house to fly in front of a monument to fallen Confederate Soldiers on the State Capitol grounds.  This was a good first step, but clearly not enough.  The October 28, 1999 edition of The Economist stated that “So far, the NAACP estimates that South Carolina has lost at least $43m that would have come in from visitors: more than 40 organizations have cancelled events in the state, and at least 70 families have moved reunions to other places.”

An article by Sam Eaton published on July 31, 2009 on the news website WLTX.com stated that the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) “voted to move its 2010 convention from South Carolina after the NAACP reminded them of the organization’s tourism boycott of the state over the Confederate flag.”  According to this article, the Christian Church has about 700,000 members. This is a profound loss of tourism dollars to the local hotel and restaurant industry if even a quarter of the members had attended a convention held in South Carolina.

South Carolina also continues to lose out on much needed athletic tourism dollars.  A  July 9, 2009 article by Gene Wojciechowski on ESPN.com emphasized the long-term detrimental effect the Confederate flag is having on South Carolina’s economy.  He states “The Atlantic Coast Conference has had enough of that flag: Earlier this week it pulled the 2011, 2012 and 2013 ACC baseball tournaments out of Spurrier’s  (referring to University of South Carolina’s winning head football coach Steve Spurrier) state and relocated them to neighboring North Carolina. Myrtle Beach’s loss becomes Durham’s and Greensboro’s economic and tourism gain.  Meanwhile, the NCAA won’t touch the state of South Carolina with a vaulter’s pole. Same goes for Spurrier’s home conference, the SEC. And all because of a Confederate battle flag that first flew atop the state Capitol dome in 1962 and still flies prominently, defiantly and wrongly at a Confederate soldier’s monument on the Capitol grounds in Columbia.”

Where do things stand on the Confederate flag in 2011?  An Associated Press article by Seanna Adcox in the HeraldOnline on January 17, 2011, shows that the Confederate flag is still a hot issue.  This article highlighted the views and opinions of people who attended the January 17, 2011 rally in Columbia, South Carolina celebrating the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. National Holiday.  According to the article, “Georgia’s NAACP president, Edward Dubose, said the NAACP is renewing its commitment to “not spend one dime in South Carolina until that Confederate flag comes down.” He said he and his wife led by example on the drive, by stopping in Augusta, Ga., to order food, then waiting until they arrived in Columbia to eat it.”

From another attendee, “This is more in-your-face. That’s just heartbreaking,” said Markita Primm, 37, who, along with her 14- and 11-year-old children, boarded one of two buses that traveled overnight from Detroit to attend.  Primm, who’s on dialysis and in a wheelchair because of a leg amputation, said she wanted to protest the flag in person. “This flag flying is not right,” she said.  Primm came with 120 people on a trip organized by Detroit talk radio personality Mildred Gaddis, who pledged to keep coming every year with more people until the flag is down.”

The Confederate flag should be completely removed from the grounds of the South Carolina State Capitol.  This building and its grounds and its employees represent all of the citizens of South Carolina.  To those who somehow have fond sentimental thoughts over what this flag represents, they can hang replicas of the flag in their own living rooms or front yards. This flag can also be hung in a South Carolina museum to preserve its historical value.  This is an example of a historical period that many South Carolinians are not proud of.  Events represented by the Confederate flag happened so long ago, that an apology, though necessary, cannot erase the tragedy.

The best solution is to remember history, so as not to repeat it.  Remember it yes, but not arrogantly wave around the symbol of that tragedy.  South Carolinians must now contact their local Representatives and Senators.   In the spirit of the rebels…..the Confederate Flag must come down.

*I will re-post this article every July 4th until progress is made.

Pastor uses gun giveaways to lure young men to church

Baptism by rifle?

(Pastor Heath Mooneyham via his Facebook page)

Giving away fish dinners, CDs, and crocheted blankets in order to lure people to church is one thing, but Ignite Church in Joplin, MO, has raised eyebrows with its radical membership drive.  According to a story in the NY Daily News today, Pastor Heath Mooneyham has crossed the line.  He is using semi-automatic weapons as bait to get young men to attend church.

Mooneyham advertised via Facebook, Twitter, and his website that he was looking for men to join the church.  He said that he especially wanted young men between the ages of 18-35 to become a part of Ignite Church’s ministry. To capture their attention, he promised to raffle off two Black Rain AR-15s on Father’s Day.   (Continue to reading full story here.)

Man ordered to take down U.S. flag because it makes Muslims feel threatened

Should Muslims be threatened by this flag?

(Photo Credit:  Jerry Markland/Getty Images)

Our great nation is often referred to as a melting pot.  Everyone is invited to enjoy the opportunities America offers.  But when does the hand held high in welcome become bruised from being ungratefully trampled on once more and again?  Well Headline News reported yesterday that Duy Tran, of Texas, was ordered by his apartment complex to remove the U.S. flag from his balcony because it is a “threat to the Muslim community.”

Tran said that he moved into the Lodge on El Dorado Apartments just a couple of days ago.  As he was getting settled in and putting things away, he decided to put up his U.S. flag.  He didn’t fly it on the carefully manicured apartment lawns, or near the centralized pool area.  He draped this flag from his very own personal and private balcony.  (Continue reading full story here.)

Basketball Commissioner swings the Pete Rose bat; Sterling banned for life

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver announced at a press conference

today that Donald Sterling is banned for life!

(photo credit:  Elsa/Getty Images)

It’s really too bad Donald Sterling and a Philistine named Samson couldn't have talked, but they were separated by hundreds of years.  Samson and Delilah could have been the modern day Donald and Vanessa.  How ironic that both of these powerful men were brought crashing down by women who happened to be outside of their own ethnicity.  Today NBA Commissioner Adam Silver announced that Sterling is banned from basketball “for life.”

This all stems from a leaked recording, which no one admits to leaking, of an argument between married Sterling, 80, and his lady friend Vanessa Stiviano, 38, on April 7^th.  Sterling was disappointed and embarrassed that people had called him regarding a picture Stiviano had posted of herself, basketball legend Magic Johnson, and another woman on Instagram.  The three were fully clothed and innocently smiling at the camera.  But what infuriated Sterling was that Stiviano had posed with a black man.   During the phone conversation, Stiviano calmly led Sterling down a yellow brick road of admitting he sees blacks as the “enemy” and asking Vanessa not to bring them to his games.

Of course the late night talk show hosts were all over it.  Last night Jimmy Fallon said that even Mel Gibson told Sterling, “hey man, that’s just going too far.”  The ban for life means that Sterling can no longer have an active role in the leadership of the Los Angeles Clippers or any NBA team ever again.  In addition to the ban, Silver announced that the commission has fined Sterling $2.5 million.

As of right now, Sterling still retains ownership of the Clippers, but it has been reduced to a mere ceremonial title.  He cannot make any money or brand affecting decisions regarding the team.  But the story doesn't end there.  It takes a two-thirds majority of all of the NBA team owners to vote out another owner. Commissioner Silver is in talks with the other owners at this time to see if they want to move in that direction.

Donald Sterling; Magic Johnson, "Take his team"; Donald Trump, "She set him up"

Donald Sterling and his girlfriend, Vanessa Stiviano, pictured on his left.

(photo credit:  Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

This weekend TMZ stunned basketball fans and players alike when they leaked a profanity-laced recording of a phone argument between the legally married Donald Sterling, 80, and his girlfriend Vanessa Stiviano, 38.  On Sunday night Magic Johnson, who was personally named in the phone call, appeared on ESPN stating in no uncertain terms that Sterling should give up ownership of the Los Angeles Clippers.  See the video of Johnson’s response here.

The April 7^th argument was sparked when Stiviano posted a picture on Instagram of herself and another woman with basketball legend Earvin ‘Magic’ Johnson.  Sterling objected to Stiviano posing with black people whom he called the ‘enemy’.  In a surprising twist that reads like a three-way love triangle, it was revealed that last month Rochelle Sterling, Donald’s estranged wife, filed a lawsuit against the girlfriend claiming that Stiviano preyed upon extremely wealthy older men.

Sterling, as many men with mistresses do, has lavished Stiviano with luxuries.  Among some of the goodies Stiviano has received are a Ferrari, two Bentleys, and a $1.8 million duplex.  Stiviano’s attorney says these trinkets are merely gifts, freely given and gratefully received.  But now there are some wondering whether this whole leaked phone conversation fiasco is a big set up designed to shake down Sterling for even more money.

One looming question is that there were, supposedly, only two people participating in the phone conversation, so how was it ‘leaked’?  Both Sterling and Stiviano have denied publicizing the call.  Was it an anonymous crazed telephone operator randomly intercepting conversations and making them public?
Another curious factor is the stilted, almost scripted pace of Stiviano’s side of the conversation.  Listen to the audio tape here.  Not many people agree with Sterling’s comments, but they do have a ring of authenticity. He is passionate and he is angry.  He means what he is saying and it is obvious that he believes this is a conversation that will remain strictly between the two of them.

In contrast, Listen to the way Stiviano continues to carefully guide the conversation back, time and again, to matters of race.  And then she constantly repeats what he says about black people.  Hardly anyone fights this way unless you’re in a marriage counselor’s office and they are having you mirror what the other person has just said to make sure you heard them properly.  Sterling even asks her at one point “why are you saying this?”

And then of course is the basic question of who records conversations unless you think you might need it for evidence, blackmail, or something in the future?  It will be a long time before this dies down.  Without a doubt Sterling has some antiquated views of race relations.  But wrong though he may be, it may turn out that it was a girlfriend scorned who was responsible for publically clipping his wings.  Real estate mogul Donald Trump has come out in Sterling’s defense calling the girlfriend a terrible human being who was baiting him.

Campfires, gays, and flint sticks: Boy Scouts fight Disney over moral values

A statue in front of Boy Scouts of America building in Irving, Texas

(Photo credit:  Tom Pennington/Getty Images)

As of 2015, The Walt Disney Company (Disney) has vowed that it will no longer help fund the Boy Scouts of America (BSA), a move that will potentially prevent many youngsters from taking part in this cherished organization, according to BSA spokesman Deron Smith in a statement Sunday.  The ban comes on the heels of an ongoing heated debate between Disney and BSA on the issue of gays being allowed to fully, openly and freely participate as members of the BSA.

Eagle Scout and Scouts for Equality co-founder Zach Wahls, knows firsthand some of the struggles gay scouts can face.  Wahls said although he doesn’t like to see BSA lose funding, he agrees in principle and applauds Disney’s decision to withdraw their monetary support until equality is embraced by the BSA.

The BSA celebrated their 100^th anniversary in 2010, and prides itself on providing an outlet for boys to come together in a safe arena for education, fun, and learning lifelong values to be productive citizens.  Over the years the BSA has slowly made some concessions to the changing times and eased up on its stark refusal to have the BSA associated with anything gay-related. 

In February 2013, George Kalogridis became the first gay president of Disney World.  Shortly thereafter, in May 2013, the BSA reversed its prior rule and started allowing openly gay youth into the scouts, although they must leave their respective scout troops after the age of 18.  However the BSA has stood firm in prohibiting gay scout leaders.  And that is where the two organizations stand with neither willing to budge.  For the sake of millions of young boys who thrive in and enjoy being a member of the scouts, BSA promised to continue working with Disney to find a solution that would allow them to keep the needed funding without violating their moral standards.  

Colorful Maurice's BBQ founder dead at 83, Confederate flag comes down

Master Barbecue Kingpin Maurice Bessinger  (photo credit:  BBQroadtrip.tumblr.com)

Maurice Bessinger, founder of Maurice’s Gourmet Barbecue and Piggie Park Enterprises, is dead at 83. In a 2000 interview with The State newspaper Bessinger said, “I’m just a fair man. I want to be known as a hard-working, Christian man that loves God and wants to further (God’s) work throughout the world as I have been doing throughout the last 25 years.”

In stark contrast, The State broke the news of Bessinger’s death with the glaring headline “Barbecue eatery owner, segregationist Maurice Bessinger dies at 83”. Bessinger, a Korean War veteran, was as infamous around Columbia for his belief in a racial divide as he was known for his barbecue sauce and restaurants.

When The State ran a story exposing the fact that he was giving discounts to customers who agreed to take pro-slavery pamphlets being handed out in his restaurants, many blacks and whites began boycotting his restaurants and products. This, in addition to his refusal to take down the huge Confederate flags flying over his restaurants, led Wal-Mart and many other stores to snatch his barbecue sauce from their shelves.

Bessinger allowed blacks to pick up takeout orders, but refused to have them dine in his restaurants. He defended his stance by saying that “South Carolina had biblical slavery”, not the harsh kind. This stirred up so much agitation that South Carolina electrical power giant SCANA ordered its employees not to patronize any of Bessinger’s establishments.

Bessinger’s restaurants and barbecue sauce business are now being run by his children. His son, Lloyd Bessinger, said that his father had battled Alzheimer’s disease the past seven years and had not been active in the business. Several months ago Bessinger’s children removed the last of the Confederate flags from the restaurant in West Columbia, SC.

According to The State, funeral services for Bessinger will be held at 2 p.m. Thursday at First Baptist Church in West Columbia.

2014 Winter Olympics will boast a dash of color on more than just the flag

2014 US Women's Olympic Bobsled Team/photo credit:  teamusa.org

The 2014 winter Olympics will begin in Sochi on Thursday, February 6, 2014.  The Olympics have been a celebration of athletic excellence as far back as 776 B.C.  You can read more of this fascinating history in this Olympic.org article.  But although the Olympics demonstrate athletes from all over the world competing in a spectacular display of good sportsmanship, often, a closer look at the American teams shows a decided lack of diversity.

Blacks have more frequently been seen during, in fact have often excelled in, the summer Olympics.  Who can forget the glamorous Olympic gold medalist and track star Florence Joyner?  She was affectionately known as Flo Jo and many were stunned and saddened when she died suddenly at the age of 38.
There is also track star and multiple Olympic gold medal winner Usain Bolt.  He shot to stardom during the 2008 Summer Olympics as he blazed his way to three gold medals.  He became known as a “lightning bolt” and “the fastest man in the world”.  So while blacks have had their moments of glory, they have not been too prevalent in the winter Olympics.

So it is fitting that since February is recognized as National Black History month we recognize some young ladies that could potentially create history in the winter Olympics this year.  The United States Bobsled team is bursting out of the gate with five Black women leading the charge.  These women will bring a splash of beautiful color against the snow and will show the world a strong, united, and multicultural American team that has come to win.

The five women that will be striving to lead the United States to the gold in the women’s bobsledding events are:  Elana Meyers, Pilot; Jazmine Fenlator, Pilot; Lauryn Williams, Brakeman/PushEvans, Brakeman; and Lolo Jones, Brakeman.  You can read more about each of these determined and talented ladies here.  You can watch the bobsledding competition on NBC beginning February 18, 2014.

Lyrical Love

Hi everyone.  Well here we are four days after the one and only Mrs. Carter has shattered all ITunes records ever with the secret release of her latest album "Beyonce".  While I too am thrilled with her latest success, I am not at all surprised.  Jay-Z is still in the videos with her and she is still smiling from ear to ear.  So I can't help it.  I want to re-share a post I first published on February 8, 2012. Just because.  :)  

This post is pure indulgent romantica.  I am just so digging Beyonce's evolution of love right now.  Let's take a stroll "back down memory lane" (another great song, but we'll talk about that another time).  Now I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't really a fan of Jay Z and Beyonce as a couple in the beginning.  I thought he was too gangster and she was too elegant.  But as time went on, they kind of grew on me.  And now I'm totally rooting for their love to last.  Let me explain why I get such a rush out of this couple.

That's What Friends Are

Photo Credit:  www.mindfiesta.com

 

 

Our Daily Bread had a very interesting devotion today on Friendship. (1 Samuel 23:14-18. The Matthew Henry Commentary: "The very sight of Jonathan was reviving to David; but, besides this, he said that to him which was very encouraging. 1. As a pious friend, he directed him to God, the foundation of his confidence and the fountain of his comfort: He strengthened his hand in God. David, though a strong believer, needed the help of his friends for the perfecting of what was lacking in his faith; and herein Jonathan was helpful to him, by reminding him of the promise of God, the holy oil wherewith he was anointed, the presence of God with him hitherto, and the many experiences he had had of God’s goodness to him. Thus he strengthened his hands for action, by encouraging his heart, not in the creature, but in God. **Jonathan was not in a capacity of doing any thing to strengthen him, but he assured him God would.**"

Have you ever regretted that you didn't have the material resources to help a friend desperately in need? Well do all that you can to help, but remember also that even just showing up and/or praying for/with them can be the greatest gifts of encouragement because it releases them to the ONE who can do for them what you and the world (for all your good intentions) cannot. Be good to your friends and may your friends be good to you. :) Have a Blessed day.

Hair-raising Shenanigans at the 2012 Olympics!

Olympic Gold Medalist in gymnastics for the United States

Photo Credit:  Mike Blake/Reuters



Gabby Douglas, at the tender age of 16, has become the first African-American all-around gymnastics gold medalist for the United States of America.  Gabby, with the smile that lit up the arena in London like the candles lit up the sky during the opening ceremonies, has done her momma proud.  She has done her family proud, and man oh man, has she done her country proud.  And what are many people focusing on?

Queen Elizabeth II Celebrates Diamond Jubilee

    

 

Credit: en.wikipedia.org

As a proud and happy citizen of the United States, I’ve always considered our government the best ever.  I love the democracy of the citizens of our country having the choice, and the means to elect our leaders.  Our presidential candidates have the opportunity to lay out their platforms before the people and we have the privilege of making a choice of the person that we, the majority of voters, feel will make the best commander-in-chief for America.  Yes, a government by the people, for the people, and of the people.  Many of us, rather smugly at times, have viewed the English monarchy as a rather stuffy lot.  I, too, was guilty of this.  That is until I got, almost involuntarily, sucked into watching the global coverage of Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee Celebration.

My Stomach Sank Just A Little.

“My stomach sank just a little”. These were the words spoken by a pastor Wednesday evening after President Barack Obama infamously became the first sitting American President to support same-sex marriage. I have to admit that these words also come very close to describing the tightening feeling knotted in my own gut the moment I heard the President’s interview. I’ll tell you why.

Going Boldly Where No "Decent" Man Has Gone Before!

I am beyond appalled by an article I read this morning.  You can read the sordid details of the article here .  Even though there was no profanity used, the level of insult is exceedingly high and disturbing.
What disturbs me about the situation is that Congress member (I can’t even bring myself to call him a CongressMAN right now) Jim Sensenbrenner is setting a dangerous and insulting precedent in the already volatile world of politics.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Previously, I explored the issue of why some men abuse in "What Gives You The Right?".  Today I read a very interesting article discussing some of the reasons that women stay in an abusive relationship.  The article was posted on the Surviving Abuse website and entitled "Why Women Stay In Abusive Relationships".  I totally agree with these reasons.  In my post today I would like to add a few of the reasons I think some women stay in an abusive relationship.

Fight or Flight.  It is one of the most primitive urges embedded in our beings.  When we feel threatened, our natural instinct is to fight back.  Or, if we sense that what threatens us is too big or powerful to overcome, we take flight.  We do whatever it takes to put as much distance as possible between us and whatever is threatening our safety.

Natural Instinct right?  So why do some women drown the urge to get away and stay, some for many years, in these toxic pairings that kill them?  Even the ones that don't end of physically losing their lives can end up dead emotionally.  I submit to you what I believe are two of the main reasons:

First is fear of failure.  Our society has largely become one that relishes success stories.  We love to read, or at the least the media loves to emphasize, a good story of one who has overcome almost impossible odds and can go around the country telling the comeback story of the year.  So we meet the person that we decide is going to be our life partner and take the plunge.  Sometimes we elope, sometimes we have a huge ceremony, but in any case the world comes to know that we have pledged our love to one another.
 
Then the abuse starts.  I believe it probably starts after the marriage.  I can't imagine someone being verbally or physically abusive on the first date with any hopes of ever getting a second date.  Most abusers are probably on their best behavior during courtship.  More than red flags, these type of actions on a first date would serve as giant STOP signs and halt the budding relationship like crossing guards coming down at the train tracks stop traffic.

Suprisingly, many of the victims are otherwise successful in life.  They are leaders in their workplace, and often even business owners.  To the outside world, they have it together.  And sadly, they do not want others to know that in that one small, but arguably most important, aspect of their lives, they have failed.  They fear that if people know they could have made such a huge mistake in character discernment as having picked the wrong person to share their lives with, then all of their actions might be open to question.  Can they really handle that project?  Do they have the judgment to hire the right people?

The second reason I think so many people stay is due to religious beliefs.  Yes sometimes society as a whole seems to be on a self-gratification, me first, do what feels good kick.  But many people still take their wedding vows very seriously.  They made a promise before God to stay the course for better or for worse.  And what could be worse than being stomped on, literally or figuratively by the one you trusted to cherish you for as long as you both shall live?

Sounds crazy?  Not really.  Believe it or not, I have had this very conversation with older gentlemen, both friends and family.  Many times we can gain much wisdom from the elders of our community, but in this case I'm not so sure.  At a family gathering we were discussing a brutal case of abuse.  The general consensus amongst the older generation was that the only allowable reason for a divorce is adultery.  I asked, well what if the man is beating you half to death?  They said you could leave until he calms down, but you must not divorce him.  Just come back home when his temper settles.

Now I will not presume to be on the level with people who have many more years of the knowledge that life experience brings than I have.  Nor will I try to meddle in the affairs between an abuse victim and his/her relationship with God.  I am simply saying that I think some victims stay because their vows have cemented them in a bond that they cannot, or do not want to break.

Those are just some thoughts I am reflecting upon as National Domestic Awareness month comes to a close.  I hope and pray that in the near future we, as a society, can find ways to work together to close not only a month of awareness; but, also, to stop the growth of this endemic sickness that has the potentional to destroy our families.  We can do it, in fact, we must.

What Gives You The Right?

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. These scary facts according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV):

1. 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
2. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
3. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.

There are many articles written on why does the woman stay? Why doesn’t she do this or that? Some even take the slant that a woman deserves what she gets if she stays. These might be valid questions. But, unintentional though it might be, some of these articles come perilously close to victim bashing.
For purposes of this article, I’d like to focus on the men who abuse women. What gives these men the right to assault (physically, sexually, emotionally, or verbally) another human being whom they proclaim to love? And sadly, most domestic violence on women is adminstered by someone with whom they are intimately involved.

To start, let’s look at children in the earliest toddler stages. Observe a classroom of preschoolers or a group of children playing in the park. You will note that some of the boys play with the girls as equals. Some, however, show an early tendancy toward becoming potential bullies. I’m not talking about the boy who lightly tugs the ponytail of a girl he might have a crush on. I’m talking about the boys who push a girl down, and laugh as she starts to cry, mistakenly believing this makes him an object of admiration on the playground.

What gives these boys and later men the sense of entitlement that they can harm another? I submit that it is anger. I’m sure there are many reasons men lash out. They didn’t have a father in the home. The father they did have was abusive or emotionally absent. They saw their father or significant other in their mother’s life treat them badly. They are too young and too small to do anything about it, so the anger (accompanied by hurt, humiliation, and fear) festers until it spills over into acting out.
Now the boy is a grown man who swears he will never treat a woman the way he grew up seeing women treated. But life happens. Kids, bills, financial problems and relationship problems. What does he do? He reacts in the only way he knows. He wants to behave differently, but he has internalized, almost against his will, what he saw growing up. Looking at it objectively, this is understandable. I don’t believe that children are born abusers any more than they are born prejudiced or hateful. Most behavior is learned.

Is this an explanation? Yes. An excuse? To this I answer a resounding no!!! At some point, an abuser realizes he has a problem. He realizes that his expressions of anger are extreme. They know deep down that what they are doing is not acceptable. Otherwise why are these acts so often committed in the privacy of the home? Why the tendancy to isolate the woman from friends and family to whom she might confide?

Men need to stand up and take responsibility for their actions. Look in the mirror, admit that something is wrong that saying “I’m sorry” will not fix, and get yourself some help. Not only that, other men need to hold their brethren accountable. Don’t laugh when you hear a friend say he’s got to keep his woman in line, or in check. Let him know that she is a grown woman with the same God-given right as he to make her own choices in life. Tell him that if they can’t make it work, then they need to part ways.

Hear this loud and clear men, you do not, now or ever, have the right to put your hands on a woman the wrong way. No she did not make you do it. You are responsible for your own actions, and you are ultimately responsible for making a change. Stop it now. Our families, the very fabric of our society, hangs in the balance.  Come forward now and make the decision that the generational curse of domestic violence with stop with you.  And one man at a time, we will see a change for the better.

Reflections on July 4th and the Confederate Flag

July 4th stands for freedom and independence.  Upon reflection, those who favor the Confederate flag flying on the State Capitol grounds of Columbia, South Carolina, do have this right.  But why in the name of compassion and empathy would they want to?

The Confederate Flag is a banner that yet waves over the State Capitol grounds of Columbia, South Carolina.  It has been waving since 1962. It is time that the proud citizens of Columbia, South Carolina, take down the Confederate Flag.  Columbia’s city slogan is “Famously Hot”.  South Carolinians should be hot about this embarrassment hanging over our city.

Many people in favor of keeping this flag flying argue that it is a part of history, and as such, should not be forgotten, or removed.  This, however, is a part of history that is nothing to be proud of. Many of the Confederate Soldiers fought for the cause of the Confederate states to have the right to continue owning their slaves.  No one living in 2011 was responsible for this. But to many minorities, this is a painful reminder of being thought of as property, rather than human beings with the same God-given right to freedom as any other citizen of this great country.  So painful in fact, that in a state that is trying desperately to boost its tourism income, this flag has actually become a burden.  Several religious, political, and even athletic groups, whose events could have brought hundreds of thousands of dollars into the state, have cancelled and moved their events and conventions to other states in a boycott of the Confederate flag.

In 2000, the Confederate Flag was moved from the state house to fly in front of a monument to fallen Confederate Soldiers on the State Capitol grounds.  This was a good first step, but clearly not enough.  The October 28, 1999 edition of The Economist stated that “So far, the NAACP estimates that South Carolina has lost at least $43m that would have come in from visitors: more than 40 organizations have cancelled events in the state, and at least 70 families have moved reunions to other places.”

An article by Sam Eaton published on July 31, 2009 on the news website WLTX.com stated that the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) “voted to move its 2010 convention from South Carolina after the NAACP reminded them of the organization’s tourism boycott of the state over the Confederate flag.”  According to this article, the Christian Church has about 700,000 members. This is a profound loss of tourism dollars to the local hotel and restaurant industry if even a quarter of the members had attended a convention held in South Carolina.

South Carolina also continues to lose out on much needed athletic tourism dollars.  A  July 9, 2009 article by Gene Wojciechowski on ESPN.com emphasized the long-term detrimental effect the Confederate flag is having on South Carolina’s economy.  He states “The Atlantic Coast Conference has had enough of that flag: Earlier this week it pulled the 2011, 2012 and 2013 ACC baseball tournaments out of Spurrier’s  (referring to University of South Carolina’s winning head football coach Steve Spurrier) state and relocated them to neighboring North Carolina. Myrtle Beach’s loss becomes Durham’s and Greensboro’s economic and tourism gain.  Meanwhile, the NCAA won’t touch the state of South Carolina with a vaulter’s pole. Same goes for Spurrier’s home conference, the SEC. And all because of a Confederate battle flag that first flew atop the state Capitol dome in 1962 and still flies prominently, defiantly and wrongly at a Confederate soldier’s monument on the Capitol grounds in Columbia.”

Where do things stand on the Confederate flag in 2011?  An Associated Press article by Seanna Adcox in the HeraldOnline on January 17, 2011, shows that the Confederate flag is still a hot issue.  This article highlighted the views and opinions of people who attended the January 17, 2011 rally in Columbia, South Carolina celebrating the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. National Holiday.  According to the article, “Georgia’s NAACP president, Edward Dubose, said the NAACP is renewing its commitment to “not spend one dime in South Carolina until that Confederate flag comes down.” He said he and his wife led by example on the drive, by stopping in Augusta, Ga., to order food, then waiting until they arrived in Columbia to eat it.” 

From another attendee, “This is more in-your-face. That’s just heartbreaking,” said Markita Primm, 37, who, along with her 14- and 11-year-old children, boarded one of two buses that traveled overnight from Detroit to attend.  Primm, who’s on dialysis and in a wheelchair because of a leg amputation, said she wanted to protest the flag in person. “This flag flying is not right,” she said.  Primm came with 120 people on a trip organized by Detroit talk radio personality Mildred Gaddis, who pledged to keep coming every year with more people until the flag is down.”

The Confederate flag should be completely removed from the grounds of the South Carolina State Capitol.  This building and its grounds and its employees represent all of the citizens of South Carolina.  To those who somehow have fond sentimental thoughts over what this flag represents, they can hang replicas of the flag in their own living rooms or front yards. This flag can also be hung in a South Carolina museum to preserve its historical value.  This is an example of a historical period that many South Carolinians are not proud of.  Events represented by the Confederate flag happened so long ago, that an apology, though necessary, cannot erase the tragedy.

The best solution is to remember history, so as not to repeat it.  Remember it yes, but not arrogantly wave around the symbol of that tragedy.  South Carolinians must now contact their local Representatives and Senators.   In the spirit of the rebels…..the Confederate Flag must come down.

Nothing in Common???

You know, I was just thinking about and marveling at how writing can cross all boundaries.  Maeve Binchy is one of my favorite authors and has been for a long time.  “Circle of Friends” was one of the first books of hers that I read.  I immediately connected with the anguish and joy of the young woman, who was a little chubby compared to her other friends, but turned out to be the type of woman that the handsome hero of the story couldn’t help but fall in love with. And when the movie aired with that dreamy young Chris O’Donnell giving visual to the imagination, I was hooked for good.

I immediately read every Maeve Binchy book I could get my hands on.  So enamored of her stories and well-rounded characters was I, that it was quite awhile before I realized where she was from.  One day, I finally slowed down long enough to wonder at the name of a city I didn’t recognize.  I was shocked to find out the setting was in Ireland.  Maeve Binchy is actually from Dalkey, Ireland.
Shouldn’t that have been obvious the first time I read one of her books you might ask?  The only excuse I have is that I was so engrossed with the depth of her characters’ emotions and the thought-provoking story lines that I just didn’t notice.

As I read later Maeve Binchy books, I continued to be wrapped up in her characters.  Her characters don’t live in a “character” world where they do whatever because they are characters.  They are written as if they were real people with real emotions, real confusions, and some surprising consequences for their actions that the reader immediately recognizes as something that they themselves, or someone they know has experienced with the same outcome.

So it’s really interesting how a reader in her twenties (me at the time) could read and be thoroughly vested in the feelings of women in their forties and even fiftyish/sixtyish (“Evening Class”).  How could a black woman (me, then and now…lol) be swept away into a world far away from America, where no one in the story “looks” like me?

The answer my friends is the writing.  I agree with many of the experts who say that it is important to target your audience, and this is undoubtedly true.  But I submit to you that a good story still and always will appeal to a hungry reader, regardless of their demographic.

What are your thoughts?  Target your market first then tailor a story to that market? Write a good story and let it find its own market?  Or some combination of both?