Former Raven Ray Rice caught on tape abusing fiance; punches her in the face

Palmer looks utterly defeated and resigned at a press conference shortly after elevator assault.

(photo credit:  Rob Carr/Getty Images) 

TMZ must know the keeper of every piece of elevator surveillance tape in the country.  Whatever they are offering these hotel or security employees to leak proprietary information must be enough to make them take the risk of losing their jobs.  Yesterday they leaked the video of NFL player Ray Rice landing a horrific blow to the face of Janay Palmer (his fiancé at the time, and now his wife) that sent her crashing to the floor, banging her head against the hand rail on the way down.

The Baltimore Ravens terminated their contract with Rice and the NFL has suspended him indefinitely.  President Barack Obama (who has two daughters) commented on the situation saying, "Hitting a woman is not something a real man does, and that's true whether or not an act of violence happens in the public eye, or, far too often, behind closed doors. Stopping domestic violence is something that's bigger than football, and all of us have a responsibility to put a stop to it."

That is one of the elements that is so disturbing about this situation.  This isn’t some kid off the street who doesn’t know what fatherly love feels like.  No, Rice is a grown man and the father of, believe it or not, a precious beautiful little girl.  He presumably feels this fatherly love whenever he gazes down into her eyes.  One wonders did the thought even cross his mind momentarily how he would be sickened at the thought of someone beating down his baby girl?  That should have been enough to draw back his fist before it met flesh because even though Palmer is his wife now, she too started out as someone’s bouncing baby girl.

Palmer expressed anger and frustration in an Instagram post today saying, “No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret everyday is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his [butt] off for all his life just to gain ratings is a horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don't you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you've succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is!”

And that perhaps is the saddest commentary of all.  Palmer, and many other victims of domestic abuse have convinced themselves, or allowed their significant others to convince them, that this is what “real love” is.  If you or anyone you care about is in this situation, please convince them to get help before their partner loves them to death.

National Domestic Violence Hot Line Number 1-800-799 (SAFE) 7233  has operators at the ready to help 24 hour a day, seven days a week.  They only have the power if you don’t tell.

Fired nanny refuses to leave; family turns to Facebook for help

The Bracamontes just want to be home alone

(via their Facebook page)

It’s a scene that could have been lifted straight out of Tyler Perry’s hit TV show “The Haves and the Have Nots”.  On the show, both Jim and Katheryn (the husband and wife characters of the wealthy and powerful Cryer family) have often told their maid Celine that she is fired, but she refuses to leave.  Well CNN reported today that an Upland, California, family has fired their nanny Diane Stretton, 64, and Stretton refuses to move out.

Ralph and Marcella Bracamonte said they hired Stretton as a nanny on March 4.  She was supposed to help with the children and also pitch in with chores around the house in exchange for room and board.  The Bracamontes followed the usual protocols of caution and investigated her background.  (Continue reading full story here.)

High School student arrested; turns out she is 31, lied to family and school

Yes it's the same person.  Gregg County Police mug shot (left),

Charity Johnson via her Facebook page (right).

Two teens arrested for suspected arson in California, and a student arrested for filming women taking showers were among some of the stories involving teens that made the news this week.  But perhaps one of the most shocking arrests was the arrest of Charity Johnson, a high school student in Texas.

Everyone thought the 10^th grader was 15, but she was at least twice that age.  According to her arrest records, Johnson is 31 years old, older than some of the teachers who were educating her.

The story unfolded like something out of a Charles Dickens novel.  (Continue reading full story here.)

Amber Alert saves the kids; too late for mom murdered by dad

Anthony and Nicholas Jordan rescued after their father

killed their mother and kidnapped them from school.

(photo credit:  South Carolina Law Enforcement Division)

The relatives of Anthony Jordan, 7, and Nicholas Jordan, 8, can breathe a sigh of relief after learning that the boys were found alive and safe this morning.  A five-state Amber Alert was issued by Lodi, New Jersey police Friday night after it was discovered that the boys were taken from their school by their father, John Robert Jordan, 47.

Jordan was estranged from his wife, and the children’s mother, Tracey Jordan, 39.  They were in the process of getting divorced.  Tracey had already moved on and was dating (Read full story.)

Willow Smith, 13, photo'd in bed with man; leaves fans whipping their heads back and forth

This picture of Willow Smith, lounging in the bed with Moises Arias,

has caused outrage among parents everywhere.

(photo credit:  Moises Arias via Instagram)

Mr. and Mrs. Smith, in this case Will (star of ‘Fresh Prince’ and ‘Bad Boys’) and Jada (lead in TV drama ‘Hawthorne’), are often considered the world’s coolest parents.  Dad is a comedic actor and rapper, and mom is an actress and singer in a rock band.  They’ve also been a bit controversial with their parenting style.  Will drew a lot of attention last year when he told an interviewer that he and Jada “don’t believe in punishment.”

These words just may have come back to haunt them.  E! Online is reporting today that the Smiths are getting incredible backlash after a picture surfaced of their daughter Willow Smith, 13, in bed with actor Moises Arias.  He is best known for his role playing Rico on ‘Hanna Montana’ (Disney).  The problem is this isn’t the beloved child star the world remembers; Arias is now a 20-year-old grown man.

(Read full story here.)

Another mom arrested for leaving children alone in car; system needs fixing

Tearful Shanesha Taylor after being arrested for leaving children 

alone in car while she went on job interview

(photo credit:  Jupiter Sinclair)

She is Shanesha Taylor, 35 with two small kids, ages 2 months and 6 years.  For whatever reason, her life is, by all accounts, a shambles.  She is homeless, a single mother, and almost at the end of her rope.  She gets called in for a job interview and suddenly there is a small ray of hope that things are about to look up, that she may be able to provide a better life for her babies.  She jumps at the chance and, to her dismay; things go from bad to worse.  She came out of her 45-minute interview to find police waiting to arrest her for child abuse.

Taylor says she left her children in the car, with the windows cracked for air, because she had no money to pay a babysitter.  A passerby heard a child crying in the car and called the police.  According to Scottsdale Police Officer Mark Clark, “She was upset.  This is a sad situation all around.  She said she was homeless.  She needed the job.  Obviously not getting the job.  So it’s just a sad situation.”  You can see the whole story on this video posted by CBS 5 Arizona news.

There have been so many stories of people who just snapped when the situation got too hard.  There are far too many tales of mothers who killed their children, mistakenly thinking they were doing them a favor.  They couldn’t stand to hear their babies crying from hunger or shaking from the cold due to the mother not having the money to pay the electric bills.  Some even murdered their children out of frustration and anger towards the absent father who was giving no help.  The nation was shocked earlier this month by one such story when a desperate and pregnant mom of three tried to kill her kids by driving her van into the ocean and later said that she was trying to take them “to a safer place”.

So even though Taylor may have been wrong to leave the kids in the car, she gets credit for trying, for not giving up and throwing in the towel.  There may yet be some good to come out of this story as over $43,000 has been raised through a campaign to help Taylor.  The money is to cover her $9000 bail and also try to raise enough money so that she and her kids can live (rent, electric, food) for a few months until she finds a job and starts receiving paychecks on a regular basis.  For information on how you can help click here to go to the campaign fund site.

Finally, let us hope this is a wakeup call to all of the fathers out there who love their kids, but cannot stand the mother.  If you are going to be an absentee father, and if you will not (or are not able to) financially provide for your children’s well-being, please be there to tend your children for a little while, especially if their mother is trying to find a job.  Not only will you end up spending more time with your babies, you just might literally save their lives.

Kindle Romance Novels: Handcuffs and a Pyramid of Satin by Pamela Kay Nob...

I'm excited and grateful to have the featured novel on the Kindle Romance Novels blog today.  Thank you much to Donna Fasano.  See her lovely post below.

Kindle Romance Novels: Handcuffs and a Pyramid of Satin by Pamela Kay Nob...: Look what we found! A Kindle Romance Novel for $3 / £2! In the US Kindle Store In the UK Kindle Store Kelly has a wonderful marr...

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Previously, I explored the issue of why some men abuse in "What Gives You The Right?".  Today I read a very interesting article discussing some of the reasons that women stay in an abusive relationship.  The article was posted on the Surviving Abuse website and entitled "Why Women Stay In Abusive Relationships".  I totally agree with these reasons.  In my post today I would like to add a few of the reasons I think some women stay in an abusive relationship.

Fight or Flight.  It is one of the most primitive urges embedded in our beings.  When we feel threatened, our natural instinct is to fight back.  Or, if we sense that what threatens us is too big or powerful to overcome, we take flight.  We do whatever it takes to put as much distance as possible between us and whatever is threatening our safety.

Natural Instinct right?  So why do some women drown the urge to get away and stay, some for many years, in these toxic pairings that kill them?  Even the ones that don't end of physically losing their lives can end up dead emotionally.  I submit to you what I believe are two of the main reasons:

First is fear of failure.  Our society has largely become one that relishes success stories.  We love to read, or at the least the media loves to emphasize, a good story of one who has overcome almost impossible odds and can go around the country telling the comeback story of the year.  So we meet the person that we decide is going to be our life partner and take the plunge.  Sometimes we elope, sometimes we have a huge ceremony, but in any case the world comes to know that we have pledged our love to one another.
 
Then the abuse starts.  I believe it probably starts after the marriage.  I can't imagine someone being verbally or physically abusive on the first date with any hopes of ever getting a second date.  Most abusers are probably on their best behavior during courtship.  More than red flags, these type of actions on a first date would serve as giant STOP signs and halt the budding relationship like crossing guards coming down at the train tracks stop traffic.

Suprisingly, many of the victims are otherwise successful in life.  They are leaders in their workplace, and often even business owners.  To the outside world, they have it together.  And sadly, they do not want others to know that in that one small, but arguably most important, aspect of their lives, they have failed.  They fear that if people know they could have made such a huge mistake in character discernment as having picked the wrong person to share their lives with, then all of their actions might be open to question.  Can they really handle that project?  Do they have the judgment to hire the right people?

The second reason I think so many people stay is due to religious beliefs.  Yes sometimes society as a whole seems to be on a self-gratification, me first, do what feels good kick.  But many people still take their wedding vows very seriously.  They made a promise before God to stay the course for better or for worse.  And what could be worse than being stomped on, literally or figuratively by the one you trusted to cherish you for as long as you both shall live?

Sounds crazy?  Not really.  Believe it or not, I have had this very conversation with older gentlemen, both friends and family.  Many times we can gain much wisdom from the elders of our community, but in this case I'm not so sure.  At a family gathering we were discussing a brutal case of abuse.  The general consensus amongst the older generation was that the only allowable reason for a divorce is adultery.  I asked, well what if the man is beating you half to death?  They said you could leave until he calms down, but you must not divorce him.  Just come back home when his temper settles.

Now I will not presume to be on the level with people who have many more years of the knowledge that life experience brings than I have.  Nor will I try to meddle in the affairs between an abuse victim and his/her relationship with God.  I am simply saying that I think some victims stay because their vows have cemented them in a bond that they cannot, or do not want to break.

Those are just some thoughts I am reflecting upon as National Domestic Awareness month comes to a close.  I hope and pray that in the near future we, as a society, can find ways to work together to close not only a month of awareness; but, also, to stop the growth of this endemic sickness that has the potentional to destroy our families.  We can do it, in fact, we must.

The Economy Stole My Ferris Wheel!

This is the week of the South Carolina State Fair.  As a matter of fact, tomorrow, October 23, 2011, will be the last day.  I’ve been scrimping, and saving and seeing which bills I might be able to delay, but all to no avail.  For the first time in years, it seems that I will have to miss the fair, and the caramel crunch of a glazed candy apple, due to the more powerful economic crunch.

You see, like many others, I was laid off of my job this year.   And while it has had a somewhat negative effect on the necessities of life (rent, car payments, electric, groceries, etc.), it struck me full force this week that the economy has also affected one of the events that I have enjoyed since childhood…the state fair.

The South Carolina State Fair has been around since 1869.  You can read about its vibrant history here.  I’m sure many of you remember the chilly fall nights, your parents holding your hand, as you made your way through the masses, enthralled by the lights, noises and smells of the state fair.  And the food, oh my.  It took all of your mother’s persuation to convince you to wait until after you rode the topsy turvy spinning rides to scarf down that humongous hot dog with everything.  Many of us learned the hard way that she was right.

As we got older, we relished the first thrills of independence when we could go to the fair with a group of teen-aged friends.  No longer holding mommy and daddy’s hand, we ran willy nilly through the fair grounds, ready to brave the rollercoasters now, fingers still sticky from cotton candy, gripping the safety bar in delighted terror.

Then came the dating stage of the fair.  After all of your fretting, that special someone finally asked you to the fair.  At this stage, you usually went to the fair twice.  Once with your friends where you relished the juicy sausage dogs smothered with onions.  And once with your beau.  Of course on date night you stuck to cotton candy, elephant ears and candy apples.  Only sweet smelling foods on this night just in case they decided to steal a quick kiss when you were on top of the world.

The top of the world as seen from the piece de resistance…the ferris wheel.  The ferris wheel was best saved for last.  After riding all the fast and crazy rides that blew your hair from hither to yon, the ferris wheel was a slow and easy ride that signaled the end of a wonderful date.    When your particular car stopped at the very top, you could see for miles around.  Amidst the gentle sway of the car, you could see city lights afar and all the tents, rides, and crowds below you  that made up the 12-day fantasy land of the fair.

The fair is fantasy-like, but what is real is the expense.  Not only do you pay the gate admission, but then you purchase tickets for the rides (the good ones charging four to five tickets) and quite naturally, all that walking around makes you hungry.  The tempting hawkers are calling you from every side to try your hand at winning a stuffed teddy bear.  So the fair comes with a cost that, in my estimation, is well worth it.

Well worth it, because it has been a part of every stage of my life.  This year however, there will be no magic moment atop the ferris wheel for me.  I just can’t afford it.  What I do have is those beautiful memories.  So as I continue to fill out mountains of job applications, these memories spur me on.  I’m hoping and praying that I find a job soon because I need to earn a living.  I’m on a first name basis with most of my creditors, having called so often to plea for just a little more time.  But in the back of my mind is also the thrilling image of next year, gently rocking in the car at the top of the ferris wheel, bills paid, mind at ease, tripping the lights fantastic.

What Gives You The Right?

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. These scary facts according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV):

1. 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
2. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
3. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.

There are many articles written on why does the woman stay? Why doesn’t she do this or that? Some even take the slant that a woman deserves what she gets if she stays. These might be valid questions. But, unintentional though it might be, some of these articles come perilously close to victim bashing.
For purposes of this article, I’d like to focus on the men who abuse women. What gives these men the right to assault (physically, sexually, emotionally, or verbally) another human being whom they proclaim to love? And sadly, most domestic violence on women is adminstered by someone with whom they are intimately involved.

To start, let’s look at children in the earliest toddler stages. Observe a classroom of preschoolers or a group of children playing in the park. You will note that some of the boys play with the girls as equals. Some, however, show an early tendancy toward becoming potential bullies. I’m not talking about the boy who lightly tugs the ponytail of a girl he might have a crush on. I’m talking about the boys who push a girl down, and laugh as she starts to cry, mistakenly believing this makes him an object of admiration on the playground.

What gives these boys and later men the sense of entitlement that they can harm another? I submit that it is anger. I’m sure there are many reasons men lash out. They didn’t have a father in the home. The father they did have was abusive or emotionally absent. They saw their father or significant other in their mother’s life treat them badly. They are too young and too small to do anything about it, so the anger (accompanied by hurt, humiliation, and fear) festers until it spills over into acting out.
Now the boy is a grown man who swears he will never treat a woman the way he grew up seeing women treated. But life happens. Kids, bills, financial problems and relationship problems. What does he do? He reacts in the only way he knows. He wants to behave differently, but he has internalized, almost against his will, what he saw growing up. Looking at it objectively, this is understandable. I don’t believe that children are born abusers any more than they are born prejudiced or hateful. Most behavior is learned.

Is this an explanation? Yes. An excuse? To this I answer a resounding no!!! At some point, an abuser realizes he has a problem. He realizes that his expressions of anger are extreme. They know deep down that what they are doing is not acceptable. Otherwise why are these acts so often committed in the privacy of the home? Why the tendancy to isolate the woman from friends and family to whom she might confide?

Men need to stand up and take responsibility for their actions. Look in the mirror, admit that something is wrong that saying “I’m sorry” will not fix, and get yourself some help. Not only that, other men need to hold their brethren accountable. Don’t laugh when you hear a friend say he’s got to keep his woman in line, or in check. Let him know that she is a grown woman with the same God-given right as he to make her own choices in life. Tell him that if they can’t make it work, then they need to part ways.

Hear this loud and clear men, you do not, now or ever, have the right to put your hands on a woman the wrong way. No she did not make you do it. You are responsible for your own actions, and you are ultimately responsible for making a change. Stop it now. Our families, the very fabric of our society, hangs in the balance.  Come forward now and make the decision that the generational curse of domestic violence with stop with you.  And one man at a time, we will see a change for the better.