Former Raven Ray Rice caught on tape abusing fiance; punches her in the face

Palmer looks utterly defeated and resigned at a press conference shortly after elevator assault.

(photo credit:  Rob Carr/Getty Images) 

TMZ must know the keeper of every piece of elevator surveillance tape in the country.  Whatever they are offering these hotel or security employees to leak proprietary information must be enough to make them take the risk of losing their jobs.  Yesterday they leaked the video of NFL player Ray Rice landing a horrific blow to the face of Janay Palmer (his fiancé at the time, and now his wife) that sent her crashing to the floor, banging her head against the hand rail on the way down.

The Baltimore Ravens terminated their contract with Rice and the NFL has suspended him indefinitely.  President Barack Obama (who has two daughters) commented on the situation saying, "Hitting a woman is not something a real man does, and that's true whether or not an act of violence happens in the public eye, or, far too often, behind closed doors. Stopping domestic violence is something that's bigger than football, and all of us have a responsibility to put a stop to it."

That is one of the elements that is so disturbing about this situation.  This isn’t some kid off the street who doesn’t know what fatherly love feels like.  No, Rice is a grown man and the father of, believe it or not, a precious beautiful little girl.  He presumably feels this fatherly love whenever he gazes down into her eyes.  One wonders did the thought even cross his mind momentarily how he would be sickened at the thought of someone beating down his baby girl?  That should have been enough to draw back his fist before it met flesh because even though Palmer is his wife now, she too started out as someone’s bouncing baby girl.

Palmer expressed anger and frustration in an Instagram post today saying, “No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret everyday is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his [butt] off for all his life just to gain ratings is a horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don't you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you've succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is!”

And that perhaps is the saddest commentary of all.  Palmer, and many other victims of domestic abuse have convinced themselves, or allowed their significant others to convince them, that this is what “real love” is.  If you or anyone you care about is in this situation, please convince them to get help before their partner loves them to death.

National Domestic Violence Hot Line Number 1-800-799 (SAFE) 7233  has operators at the ready to help 24 hour a day, seven days a week.  They only have the power if you don’t tell.

WRITING MY DREAMS: Taking Your Emotions on a Roller Coaster Ride...: JUST FRIENDS_2 DAYS OF LOVE WITH PAMELA KAY NOBLE ...

If you haven't read "Handcuffs and a Pyramid of
Satin" yet, please be sure to check out my excerpt featured today on the
blog of author C. Michelle Ramsey. :)

WRITING MY DREAMS: Taking Your Emotions on a Roller Coaster Ride...: JUST FRIENDS_2 DAYS OF LOVE WITH PAMELA KAY NOBLE ...: Sometimes a married woman can find herself in a relationship and feel so all alone. Sometimes that same married woman just needs a friend ...

What Gives You The Right?

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. These scary facts according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV):

1. 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
2. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
3. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.

There are many articles written on why does the woman stay? Why doesn’t she do this or that? Some even take the slant that a woman deserves what she gets if she stays. These might be valid questions. But, unintentional though it might be, some of these articles come perilously close to victim bashing.
For purposes of this article, I’d like to focus on the men who abuse women. What gives these men the right to assault (physically, sexually, emotionally, or verbally) another human being whom they proclaim to love? And sadly, most domestic violence on women is adminstered by someone with whom they are intimately involved.

To start, let’s look at children in the earliest toddler stages. Observe a classroom of preschoolers or a group of children playing in the park. You will note that some of the boys play with the girls as equals. Some, however, show an early tendancy toward becoming potential bullies. I’m not talking about the boy who lightly tugs the ponytail of a girl he might have a crush on. I’m talking about the boys who push a girl down, and laugh as she starts to cry, mistakenly believing this makes him an object of admiration on the playground.

What gives these boys and later men the sense of entitlement that they can harm another? I submit that it is anger. I’m sure there are many reasons men lash out. They didn’t have a father in the home. The father they did have was abusive or emotionally absent. They saw their father or significant other in their mother’s life treat them badly. They are too young and too small to do anything about it, so the anger (accompanied by hurt, humiliation, and fear) festers until it spills over into acting out.
Now the boy is a grown man who swears he will never treat a woman the way he grew up seeing women treated. But life happens. Kids, bills, financial problems and relationship problems. What does he do? He reacts in the only way he knows. He wants to behave differently, but he has internalized, almost against his will, what he saw growing up. Looking at it objectively, this is understandable. I don’t believe that children are born abusers any more than they are born prejudiced or hateful. Most behavior is learned.

Is this an explanation? Yes. An excuse? To this I answer a resounding no!!! At some point, an abuser realizes he has a problem. He realizes that his expressions of anger are extreme. They know deep down that what they are doing is not acceptable. Otherwise why are these acts so often committed in the privacy of the home? Why the tendancy to isolate the woman from friends and family to whom she might confide?

Men need to stand up and take responsibility for their actions. Look in the mirror, admit that something is wrong that saying “I’m sorry” will not fix, and get yourself some help. Not only that, other men need to hold their brethren accountable. Don’t laugh when you hear a friend say he’s got to keep his woman in line, or in check. Let him know that she is a grown woman with the same God-given right as he to make her own choices in life. Tell him that if they can’t make it work, then they need to part ways.

Hear this loud and clear men, you do not, now or ever, have the right to put your hands on a woman the wrong way. No she did not make you do it. You are responsible for your own actions, and you are ultimately responsible for making a change. Stop it now. Our families, the very fabric of our society, hangs in the balance.  Come forward now and make the decision that the generational curse of domestic violence with stop with you.  And one man at a time, we will see a change for the better.